What Happens When You Meditate
All hell broke loose. If somebody is saying to you: I’m meditating and I’m feeling just fine and floating and life is perfect, I think they must be lying or they were already going through life stoned so it really didn’t make a difference. What actually happens when you meditate is that you are more present and you suddenly see all of your shit more clearly. There is everything there: the bad stuff and the good stuff. You can see where you did wrong and tried to cover it up with rationalization and where you did right and forgot to acknowledge yourself and give yourself a break from trying too hard.
It’s like somebody lifted a veil. For a bit. Now it comes to that point if you are brave enough to keep the veil lifted and face everything as it is, which is exactly why people give up from these kind of practices or find a reason why it is not for them or they are still not ready for it. I’m thinking it’s all bullshit because people just don’t want to see and own their dark side because it’s not easy. Whatever they tell you, it’s not easy or safe or bulletproof. What it is also not is reversible. There is no way back. You see it as it is and now you are basically being called to do something about it. It’s like you are in a dark audience, you go meditate, and a light comes on you from the stage, calling your name clearly, calling you to come to the stage and take the microphone and tell other people about what you are experiencing and maybe even (God forbid) ask for help.
Meditation is not for the weak or the faint-hearted. They are probably going to find some excuse or whatever distraction or reason or safety net they can find so they see less of the truth.
I don’t consider myself a brave person, but in my own perfectionist kind of way, I’m still going to push myself over the edge if necessary. It’s not a special trait: it is the thing in us that keeps us alive. That keeps us at the tip of our toes just so we don’t drop-out or lose our ability to face life as it is. The best feeling is always at the edge. Meditation is not the front row in looking at a play, it’s you making it on the stage in your own kind of way. It’s scary, confusing, exciting. It’s not what you plan and it’s not ducking your head in the sand either. It’s intelligently navigating whatever life has on the panel right now, right here and you have a say in it. A small say, but a vital one. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing in life, I don’t know where is next, but I’m getting used to this in the moment feeling that is swapping me the more I practice meditation.
If meditation didn’t produce a change in your feeling, identity, life circumstances, people around you, you are probably doing it wrong or not there yet. Because it will shake you up, like somebody pulling you by the legs, making you drop all your “baggage” from the pockets and then putting you back down and making you walk on a rope-bridge.
