Ever had that feeling when the world stops?

Ever had that feeling, when the world stops? When everything just blurs out, and you are left focused in the middle? …

I thought that after the breakup I would turn a new page. I have accepted all that has happened and was consciously glad it turned out like that. Normally, I would just surround myself with my best friends and go out binge drinking. Trying to not hear the voice within me. Between the laughter, the music, their kind hearts trying to comfort and amuse me and a couple of shots of vodka, I would however hear it anyway. Quite sharply, everything else blurred out. Who am I? The pressure to define ourselves…Leaves no room for growth. Am I this laid-back, adventure-driven, adrenaline-seeking kind of girl? Am I girl anymore, a couple of months from closure on my twenties? Does it even matter? What is it that I do? Do I explore or execute? …My job is more of the latter. I didn’t know. And I would not know even if they still cared deeply, and I went all over the place and smiled and behaved whatever the moment wanted me. Does it really matter what I prefer or know at any given moment in life? Isn’t it suppose to be something deeper than that? Something more permanent…Less fragile. Something that works no matter what. Like, the Newton’s Law.

Sometimes it gets me- the fact that I can change as many identities I want, I can learn new stuff, experience new places, but I would still be me…I can put a lot of nice adjectives to that and some bad as well, but it will be me.

I still think the world has not met the real me because she has not expressed herself often. But then again, she prefers to listen. With an open heart…